John Cleese on The Daily Show

THE DAILY SHOW Host: Craig Kilborn. Transcript of Jan 1997 show with guest John Cleese.

Craig: Well, this is very exciting. My guest tonight is a comedy icon. Fawlty Towers, Monty Python, A Fish Called Wanda. His new movie, Fierce Creatures, opens on Friday and reunites him with Wanda co-stars Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Kline, and Michael Palin. Let's take a look.

[ Clip from Fierce Creatures ]

Craig: Ladies and gentlemen, John Cleese! [ Applause. ] Thank you, sir. I really appreciate you doing this show and just to let you know, this is the happening new show in America and all the kids are talking about it.

John: Oh I had heard it was very poor. [ Laughter. ]

Craig: No, this is number one, John.

John: Oh, this is the good one?

Craig: Yeah, this is the one that they're talking about.

John: Oh, I'm sorry about that. I'm very pleased it's so good.

Craig: Yes, and we appreciate you coming down. Now, we should point out that Fierce Creatures is not a sequel but it has the same stars.

John: Well, the reason is, well, name a sequel that was as good as the original.

Craig: I can't.

John: Well, there's Godfather. [ Laughter. ]

Craig: Okay. But I don't get out much.

John: Some people say Aliens.

Craig: Okay.

John: And some people say Star Wars and that's it. Everyone else agrees that all the other sequels are not as good. So I thought, "why do a sequel if it's going to be disappointing?" and at the same time, "why not work with the same people again?" So, it's a completely new story, completely new characters, but same team.

Craig: Uh, the scene we saw, you were getting a little flustered there. Was that method acting or Royal Shakespearean technique? [ Laughter. ] I couldn't tell.

John: That was good old English embarrassment. As I once explained, the aim of any good English gentleman is to get safely to his grave with ever having been seriously embarrassed. The only aim we have in life. In that particular scene, I was able to play off that and if you are going to do a joke about bazooms, then, um, [ Laughter. ] do them with Jamie Lee Curtis because, you know, famous.

Craig: Brings up an interesting point. I love the British accent and there's a scene in the movie where Kevin Kline makes fun of your accent. It's so sophisticated and yet, you guys are obsessed with the bazooms. It counters...

John: Well, everyone's obsessed with bazooms, it's just a question of whether you hide it or not.

Craig: Oh.

John: That's the answer.

Craig: It's an appreciation you have over there, I think.

John: Oh, yeah, well, of course, yeah!

Craig: Um, does that include the American implants or not?

John: Uh, I think any kind at all. [ Laughter. ]

Craig: Uh, by the way, the accent, do we have an accent to you? Do the Americans sound weird to you?

John: Not weird at all, because, as you know, I keep marrying them. [ Laughter. ]

Craig: Right. Three. You've been married three times.

John: Three times.

Craig: All three Americans.

John: Connie, Barbara, and Alice Faye. And Alice Faye has the weirdest accent of all. I couldn't figure it out, but in fact, she spent three years on the planet Saturn. [ Laughter. ] That's where she got that from. But, now, I have a terrible difficulty doing and American accent, because after all, I didn't go to a university for three years to learn how to speak like this. This is how they all speak in England. Um, but I sort of say "in-ter-national" and "ex-tra-ordinary" and Americans say "innernational" and "extrordinry". And I can't do it. It's very hard and I have a very bad American accent.

Craig: So, do we mumble, is that what you're saying? [ Laughter. ] We don't enunciate?

John: Well, the only person I can do is Terry Gilliam, because I work with him [ Mimicking ] "Eraaarooroeehaoodoloitslikethatatireogeomwmgtreggoermgr pisses me off." [ Laughter. ] I can do Terry.

Craig: That's how he ends his sentences.

John: And nearly Sylvester Stallone. [ Laughter. ] But I can't do anymore than that.

Craig: Uh, that's very good. [ Music starts. ] Uh oh! You hear the music!

John: What's that mean?

Craig: It's time for "Five Questions" for John Cleese!

John: Oh my God.

Craig: Here we go. [ Cheers and applause. ] Uh, and we are going to go in-ter-national, what is the capital of Belgium?

John: Brussels.

Craig: Correct! [ Bell. Cheers and applause. ] You have a law degree, define "ipso facto".

John: Uh, in, of itself.

Craig: "By the very fact of" are we accepting--yes! [ Bell. ] Of course, why did I look over there? Name your favorite Charlie's Angel. Give you some time to think of that.

John: Noam Chomsky. [ Laughter. ]

Craig: Yes! [ Bell. ] No? Yes!

John: Yes! [ Laughter. ]

Craig: Yes! [ Bell. Applause. ] True or false: The Irish are all drunks. [ Laughter. John takes a pause, thinking. Laughter. ] He's coming.

John: Talse. Frue! Frue!

Craig: We're accepting that! [ Bell. ] The answer is false, we shouldn't fall prey to cultural stereotypes. And finally, why does British food suck? [ Laughter. ] Is there a reason for that, John?

John: We had an empire to run! [ Laughter. Cheers and applause. ]

Craig: Correct! [ Bell. Applause. ] That's five out of five! You just got, ladies and gentlemen--

John: I have to, no, I don't think Noam Chomsky was right. [ Laughter. ]

Craig: No? No five out of five? Okay, four out of five for John Cleese. [ Boos. ] I wanna give you five out of five. I think you got that one. [ Applause. ] Five out of five. You tied the record held by Bill Murray and Debbie Reynolds. Congratulations!

John: Thank you! [ Applause. ]

Craig: Fierce Creatures opens on Friday. You're watching The Daily Show, only on Comedy Central. Big hand right here for John Cleese!

[ Cheers and applause. ]