Bill: All righty, let us meet our panel. He is a novelist, news anchor and senior analyst for CNN, Jeff Greenfield. [ Cheers and applause ] How are you, buddy? Good to see you. All right. Her next book is "Greetings From The Lincoln Bedroom." She's a political analyst, a Picasso biographer and she went to a fancy college in England, Arianna Huffington. [ Cheers and applause ] Hey, you. How are you? A founding member of the legendary "Monty Python's Flying Circus," his new movie is "Burn Hollywood, Burn." He also went to a fancy English college. Eric Idle. [ Cheers and applause ] How are you? And of course, the star of the Emmy-winning "Dennis Miller Live" and "Bordello of Blood," Dennis Miller. [ Cheers and applause ]
 
Dennis: Every time I'm on here, "Bordello of Blood."
 
Bill: Okay. All right. Well, I guess the big news, you all heard, I mentioned it in the monologue, Clinton's deposition was leaked, the entire five hours of it. And I think the interesting part of it is that most of the questions seemed to be about Monica Lewinsky. This is the Paula Jones' deposition.
But somehow, the questions were about Monica Lewinsky.
 
Dennis: She's hotter. [ Laughter ] Okay.
 
Bill: But seriously, Dennis. Doesn't this —  [ Laughter ] — Prove that the whole thing was a setup? That Kenneth Starr and Paula Jones were in cahoots, and this whole thing was not about Paula Jones, it was about trapping the President about Monica Lewinsky?
 
Dennis: I'm so bored with this. I hope Starr fucks Clinton. I —  [ Laughter and cheers ] Who cares? Sorry.
 
Arianna: You know, that's — that's —
 
Jeff: You know, Dennis, the show's not on cable anymore. [ Laughter ]
 
Arianna: You know, that's the sophisticated —
 
Bill: Well, his is.
 
Jeff: Yeah.
 
Bill: But, go ahead.
 
Arianna: That's the sophisticated response, that we're all bored with it. That 11% of the American public only likes Kenneth Starr. Apparently the rest of them has believed the White House lie.
My point is, this is all irrelevant. Even if Kenneth Starr is the anti-Christ, this has nothing to do with whether Clinton perjured himself and obstructed justice.
 
Bill: You're not answering the question. [ Laughter ]
 
Arianna: I am answering the question.
 
Bill: First of all, perjured himself. Okay, that gets to the question.
 
Arianna: Right.
 
Bill: But the question is, how come he is giving testimony in Paula Jones' deposition about what he did, that he showed a weenie in the disco era to Paula Jones. [ Laughter ] Okay, that's what — I mean — That's what it was supposed to be about. But now they have leaked this, and apparently, all the questions were about Monica Lewinsky. Doesn't that strike you as a rat-smelling situation?
 
Dennis: That's the best thing I've ever heard you say! [ Laughter ]
 
Bill: Well, you ought to watch the show more. But — [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ]
 
Jeff: They told me this was C-SPAN. [ Laughter ] The defense of what they're up to is this — in the Paula Jones case, they're trying to show a pattern or practice of how Clinton behaved.
If they can show, if they can show that the President —
 
Bill: Yeah —
 
Jeff: Behaved this way with Monica Lewinsky and enough other people, that it makes more credible the idea that, as governor, he summoned a $6.50 an hour clerk to his hotel room and made what some people call a consensual gesture. In my social life, that wouldn't be counted as consensual. So that's where they're up to.
 
Bill: Okay. But I have a —
 
Eric: Sort of a boring social life, isn't it? [ Laughter ]
 
Jeff: Well, either boring or very exciting, depending on the response.
 
Bill: Paula Jones' lawyers provided a definition of what sex is. I'm not kidding about this. They pulled in our President to answer this.
 
Eric: Did he not know? [ Laughter ]
 
Bill: It said sexual relations meant "Any contact with someone's groin, buttocks, breasts or inner thigh, if intended to stimulate sexual arousal."
 
Arianna: Well, that's very significant because —
 
Bill: That's very significant. [ Laughter ] That's the best thing I ever heard you say!
 
Arianna: Yes, because —
 
Dennis: You should watch her more.
 
Arianna: Because the Webster definition of sexual relations is only intercourse, and they wanted to establish this is not what they meant. But it excluded kissing, so his way out is to say that they only kissed. And even if they French-kissed for hours on end, that's not a sexual intercourse, unless he climaxed. Now, there are some — [ Laughter ] There are —
 
Bill: Hey — If you're 51 years old and you could climax just from kissing, I'd vote for you four times. I'll tell you that. [ Cheers and applause ] We've gotta take a commercial. [ Cheers and applause ]
 
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Bill: All right. We were talking about the most recent problem with "The White House in Crisis" as your network calls it, Jeff. [ Laughter ]
 
Jeff: What would you have us call it?
 
Bill: Or "White House Under Fire."
 
Jeff: "Man's Role in a Changing World," we could call it. Seems like a good title, but all right.
 
Bill: I thought that was funny. Okay. Let me read to you what Billy Graham said today. Billy Graham was on the "Today" show, he talked about Clinton. He said, "I forgive him because I know the frailty of human nature. And I know how hard it is, and especially a strong, vigorous young man like he is. He has such a tremendous personality, I think the ladies just go wild over him."  [ Laughter ] Billy Graham!
 
Eric: I think it's pretty obvious that Billy Graham's pretty keen on everybody getting on their knees.
[ Audience reacts ]
 
Bill: Yeah. [ Applause ] Okay.
 
Arianna: But Eric, this is a new one, because here you have absolution before you have repentance.
 
Jeff: That's very good.
 
Arianna: And I think that the clear intention here for Clinton is to close the male gender gap.
Because anybody now can go home and say, you know, "Billy Graham absolved the President on national television. So what if I had some oral sex at the office?"
 
Jeff: Yeah, that would work good in my house. [ Laughter ] "Honey, I almost committed a sexual impropriety, but, by gum, it was just — and Billy Graham." And then as I walk out with my head under my arm, we can explain this.
 
Bill: But you know, also on the news today was the revelation that Charles Kuralt had a 20-year out-of-marriage relationship with a woman in Montana or Oregon, somewhere on the road. [ Laughter ] I mean, if Charles Kuralt is getting some —
 
Arianna: But that's different.
 
Dennis: If Charles Kuralt is getting some, Billy Graham's getting some! I mean —  [ Laughter ]
The bottom line is, this has gotten crazy! Everybody's like trying to figure out what's right and what's morally right and all that. The guys like to have women provide them with oral sex.
All guys do. Guys who are in touch with God, guys who drive Winnebagos around the country —
[ Laughter ] Guys who are the leaders of the free world, guys who are bouncers at TGIF Friday's.
Everybody likes oral sex. And you know what? At the beginning of this, I thought, "Wow, he's got caught. He's gonna get found out. He's gonna be let go." And now, the more I think about it, the more I think that this is a benchmark moment in American history. We all have to concede that we all like oral sex. [ Laughter ] This guy likes oral sex. His wife's not providing oral sex. He's not gonna take —
 
Arianna: How do you know that, Dennis?
 
Dennis: — 3,000 days off from having oral sex. So be it. Let him have oral sex. [ Cheers and applause ]
 
Bill: Eloquent, Dennis.
 
Dennis: Huh? She hates him. She hates him.
 
Arianna: You know what? That's fine. Let's go and live in Dennis' world, but then let's not —
[ Laughter ] Let's not lie about it. Let him go on television and say exactly what Dennis said, and I'm sure the American public will forgive him. I have no problem —
 
Dennis: Okay, I think here's what we have to do first —
 
Arianna: You write his speech. You write his speech.
 
Dennis: No, no, here's what we have to do first. We have to all — he's waiting for us to make the first move. He's not going to come out and say "I got a blowjob." We — [ Laughter ] We have to all stand up together in front of a TV camera and go, "We don't care that you got a blowjob!" And then he'll tell us he got a blowjob. [ Cheers and applause ]
 
Arianna: Okay. I am — I want to be —
 
Bill: But —
 
Dennis: Look right into that camera and say, "Bill" —
 
Arianna: Okay, I want to be the first Republican to say, "Bill, I don't care whether you got a blowjob." [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] But, but — there is a but.
 
Bill: I think it's amazing that nobody cares about the — but I can't say it. That's what's interesting.
 
Arianna: There's a but. The but is, but I do care.
 
Dennis: There's a butt? I didn't hear about that. [ Laughter ]
 
Eric: That's the sexual harassment phase.
 
Arianna: I do care if you looked the American public in the eye, wagged your finger and lied. And I do care if you committed perjury. So, come clean.
 
Dennis: Perjury, shmerjury. [ Laughter ] Of course he can't say it, because he thinks we'll all run him out of office. But if we all let him know —
 
Bill: But Dennis, the public has let him know, because his poll ratings, no pun intended — [ Laughter ] Are — Are the highest it's ever been. Don't you think that's the American people's way of saying we don't care, to give him an 80% —
 
Jeff: No.
 
Bill: No, Jeff?
 
Jeff: I think the same people who were, the day this story broke, were backing up the moving van at the White House are now looking at these poll ratings and saying "See, that proves what the American public thinks." I still think, despite the massively effective job Ken Starr is doing of destroying his own credibility — and he's doing a great job — that if it were to turn out that there was substantial lying going on here, I think these numbers would change. I mean, six months after Watergate, Nixon's approval rating —
 
Bill: That's not true because the polls show the people do think he's lying and they still have him up there. No, it's true.
 
Jeff: I understand what you're saying. I think that if it were to come out —
 
Bill: They understand why he's lying.
 
Eric: Isn't this all about the media, though? Isn't it just about the media flexing their muscles, really?
 
Bill: Yes.
 
Eric: And sadly, it's the vaginal muscles. [ Laughter ]
 
Bill: All right.
 
Arianna: Jeff is absolutely right.
 
Bill: Yes?
 
Jeff: Excuse me, is this "Midnight Blue"? Have I finally — have I finally —
 
Eric: This is Aspen.
 
Bill: Yes. And I'm Robin Byrd and I have to take a commercial. We'll be right back. [ Cheers and applause ]
 
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Bill: Okay. We were talking about the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal. And that is certainly about how a boss and an employee treat each other. But it is not the only case today. Big news, Latrell Sprewell — I'm sure you all know — he was, I think, thrown out of the NBA. Well, an arbitrator now has reinstated his contract. He will be eligible to play again in the summer. He will get his $17.3 million over two years. If you don't know what he did, he choked his boss, not once, but twice, I believe.
He came back and threatened his life. The players' union calls this a victory.
 
Jeff: Well, it's a victory for them, I mean, it's a —
 
Bill: Really?
 
Jeff: The best part of this story was that the mediator, a trained lawyer — so we should have known something was up — said that what he did, simple battery, did not violate the good citizenship and moral interpretitude clauses of the contract. So I'm thinking —
 
Bill: Right.
 
Jeff: Well, all right, what did he have in mind?
 
Bill: What does? Right. If that doesn't break the law, what other business —
 
Eric: Isn't he violating his freedom of speech, though, if he's — ? [ Laughter ] Couldn't you get him on that?
 
Jeff: Actually, you know what would have got him out of the NBA? If he'd have lit up a cigarette afterward.
 
Bill: Yeah.
 
Jeff: Then they would have kicked him out.
 
Dennis: Well, I'm sure that's his feeling, "If Clinton can choke Lewinsky, why can't I choke the coach?" [ Laughter ]
 
Arianna: That is definitely —
 
Bill: Denny, I did that joke in the monologue, I hate to tell you, and — [ Laughter ] That's why you gotta watch the show more! He doesn't even watch it when he's on it, ladies and gentlemen. [ Laughter ]
 
Dennis: You did that joke?
 
Bill: I absolutely did.
 
Dennis: That's the funniest thing you've ever said! [ Laughter ]
 
Arianna: But it's basically a new ball game. You know, when Eric and I were at Cambridge, there were different rules. Remember, Eric?
 
Eric: Yeah, we didn't play basketball.
 
Dennis: What are Jeff and I, idiots?
 
Bill: You and Eric were at Cambridge together?
 
Arianna: That's right. He was at Pembroke, I was at Garden and the rules were completely different.
 
Jeff: I'll bet they were.
 
Arianna: I mean, I was actually fined for having three men in my room after 10:00 at night. [ Cheers ]
 
Eric: Gee, I — I had to pay for that. [ Laughter ]
 
Dennis: That's where you came up with the "Python" thing.
 
Eric: Exactly. Well, it was Cambridge.
 
Bill: Yeah.
 
Jeff: When I was at PS 165, we basically had a rule that if you created physical violence against, like, the principal or the coach, you would be kicked out. And I do think this is something that you have talked about, and you, on your respective shows, about the lack of accountability. The definition of what is wrong and therefore, to be just said no to, just gets smaller and smaller and smaller all the time.
 
Bill: And also, for the players' union to say this is a victory. It's a victory for everything we can possibly get away with. It's certainly not a victory for kids, right, who look at this —
 
Dennis: Well, a kid choked his coach yesterday, right? Didn't I hear about that? A high school kid.
 
Bill: I didn't. But —
 
Dennis: In the state of California, a high school kid has been kicked off the team. He choked the coach, and I'm sure somewhere in the back of his mind, he's thinking, "Hey," you know what I mean, "This is the way it's done."
 
Arianna: The worst thing is that you can have somebody like Billy Graham go on national television and absolve any kind of behavior. I mean, there is a continuum. The only person left who is willing to say anything against that is Bill Bennett. I mean, that's really a pretty sorry state of affairs.
 
Bill: You're connecting Billy Graham absolving the President —
 
Arianna: I am.
 
Bill: — With this guy choking his coach.
 
Arianna: I am connecting it. Absolutely.
 
Dennis: See, Latrell choked his coach — Oh, you guys did that joke. [ Laughter ]
 
Bill: All right. We gotta take a commercial. We'll be back. [ Applause ]
 
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Announcer: Join us tomorrow, when our guests will be Meat Loaf, Jay Thomas, Bob Odenkirk and Laura Ingraham. [ Applause ]
 
Bill: All right. As long as we have such a politically astute panel, we got a couple of minutes to talk about campaign finance reform, which was killed in the Senate by Trent Lott and his cohorts this week, because their argument is that if you limit the amount of money that you can give to politicians, that is, in essence, censoring them, which is a bunch of bull, right?
 
Arianna: Right.
 
Bill: Money is not free speech.
 
Arianna: Well, Constitutionally it is, but to call their bluff, you can tell them, "Okay, let's make all contributions anonymous. You can give an unlimited amount of money, but nobody will know who gave." And just watch contributions dry up. Because the only reason people give is to get something back.
 
Eric: I think the candidates should be forced to wear decals, like motor racing, so the sponsors —
[ Laughter ] So that, you know, you have the NRA giving an arm and a leg, you know?
 
Bill: Texaco —
 
Eric: They've got "Chrysler corporation" on their backsides so you can see who's really behind them.
 
Jeff: I think this is great.
 
Eric: Or you can have "Burger King, Home of the Whopper" on the front of their trousers, you know. [ Laughter ]
 
Jeff: 24 years ago when the Supreme Court said that a wealthy candidate could spend as much of his or her own money on a campaign as they wanted, I think — My own feeling, Constitutionally, was that was a mistake. But it has led to a situation where you can deal yourself in to the table.
You don't necessarily win, as we have seen.
 
Arianna: Yes, thank you for reminding me.
 
Jeff: But you can become a —
 
Dennis: Greenfield taking heavy shots today! [ Laughter ]
 
Jeff: But you can become a credible candidate, even for President, as Steve Forbes did, whose biggest crisis in life was when the Chardonnay ran out in the country house. If you spend $30 million of your own money, you are a credible candidate. And that's because of the Supreme Court decision —
 
Bill: Ross Perot.
 
Jeff: And Arianna's right, as long as this is the Constitutional interpretation, all of these campaign finance reform efforts are gonna fail.
 
Arianna: But you know what, Jeff? In the end, money is the second-best way to get access. The first best way is big hair, big lips, big chest.